I am tired. I am exhausted. I am overworked and I feel under-appreciated. I feel like people expect me to be Super Helen, and they will settle for nothing less. I feel like the things I do aren’t recognized, and I don’t feel like I’m appreciated. I don’t feel seen today. I am in serious need of some tender loving care.. of someone, anyone, even a perfect stranger, to ask me “How are you, and how can I help you?” I am in the mood to receive today. And I’m not afraid of saying it.

Please give to me. Please.

This has been “hang out weekend” for me. Yesterday was spent at Dave’s mom’s place doing a “hair trial run” for the wedding. Girls’ afternoon out, so to speak. It was fun having all my future sisters-in-laws in the same room, ranting and raving about our respective boyfriends/husbands/fiances. Comparing stories about relationships and life and love and children. It’s nice to be in the circle of women. There is an energy power that doesn’t exist when men is around. Granted, yesterday, Larry (Sylv’s partner) and Dan (Dave’s brother) were also there, and they mostly kept to themselves for the afternoon. Poor fellas. Hehe.

We’re going to have another session in a couple of weekends from now too, to try ringlets in my hair instead of straight on curls. Yesterday curls was kind of uncomfortable for me. I felt like I just stepped out of the dryer and had lion-hair.

Today, Dave and I are going to hang out with Candice. Haven’t seen her in an awful long time. We’re gonna get some dinner at China Kitchen (or if that fails, somewhere else where there’s food) and then catch a movie. Thinkin’ about Fracture. Hope that’s good.

Name five strange or weird eating habits that you have (from Teesa):

1. When I eat smarties (the American kinds, not the Canadian ones!), I eat them from darkest to lightest, and then from hardest to softest, one at a time. I like to suck on it for a couple of seconds, and then nibble from the outside edges into the middle.

2. I don’t eat ketchup or mustard with anything. I think they’re gross. So instead, with my french fries, I dip them in salt. Yum!

3. I require lots and lots of cream cheese when I have it with my bagel, otherwise I probably won’t finish it. I like eating it whole, sandwich style, with the fluffy cream cheese sticking out in the middle.

4. I rarely eat anything red, which includes cheeries, berries, and strawberries. This will also bleed into purples and sometimes green. The only “red” things I eat are chili peppers, tomatoes, and sometimes red apples, and sometimes red tomato sauce in spaghetti but with much reluctance. Red grapes are a no-no. Green grapes only!

5. I eat Asian food only, and don’t eat what I would dub “white” food. Well, I’ve gotten better about this over the years, but the majority of my food preferences are still only Asian-oriented. It could be thai, vietnamese, chinese, filipino, whatever. It has to be asian. Only “white” food I eat includes (and far more than this, really) pizza, french fries, mashed potatoes, grilled cheese sandwich, cream cheese/bagel, and very little more.

Dave’s making me add the following! Hahahah!

6. (Extra!!) I don’t like Westernized sauces or dressing, which includes ranch dip, salsa, etc. Dave insists that I insist that I don’t like them even though I probably really do. I just won’t try them, and will insist I don’t like them.
7. (Extra!!) I don’t like cheese and will not buy or order them, but the inconsistency in this is when Dave offers some cheese to me, I take it and eat them willingly. LOL

8. (Extra!!) When going to restaurants, everything is “special ordered” or added or edited. Every restaurant I order the same exact thing, and rarely try other things on the menu. For example, at Busara, I order the vegetarian Tom Yum soup (which is on the menu), and add wide rice noodles in them (which is the special “edit”). At our favorite Japanese restaurant by the beach, I only order the Udon noodle soup, with no onions, but green onions okay. Every single time.

9. (Extra!!) I insist that I don’t like onions, and will order things “without onions, please.” However, if I don’t know it’s in there, I won’t be able to tell. I’ll still insist that I can’t stand them though.

1. What was the last item you returned to a store?
I can’t even remember. I usually don’t return anything. I keep it or give it away or have it fixed or whatever.

2. What do you currently have in your possession that you need to return to its owner?
A book that Marita and Doris (my yoga teachers) lent to me about family constellation therapy.

3. What’s something you lent to someone that you’d really like back now?
Some of my books. I like books back.

4. Where’s a place you hope never to see again?
I’d like to never relive my high school years again, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. It gives a certain sense of neurotic nostalgia that isn’t good or bad.. just kind of sad.

5. What’s your explanation for those wild stories about dogs and cats who get separated from their owners for years and finally make their way home, even at times finding their owners when the families have moved a long way away?
Erm. Pets are cool and lovable and loyal. That’s my “explanation.”

Friday5.org

Dave, better watch out! I’m filling out a survey about you! Got it from Kalen on her myspace. Hehe.

His Birthday:
Nov. 11, 1971

How long have you been together?
A little over 8 years.

How long did you know each other before you got together?
About 2 years. We were best friends. (Still are, of course!)

What physical features attracted you to him first?:
His eyes. He has really kind, shy eyes.

Hair color:
Dirty blond/brown.

Hair style?
Erm… kind of clean cut? Regular? I don’t know how to describe it!

How did you meet?
A friend in high school met him in a chat room and introduced us because she thought I’d get along well with him due to our similar interests. Boy was she right!

2) RELATIONSHIP STUFF

How serious is it:
I should hope we’re pretty darn serious — we’re getting married in July!

Are you “in love”:
Omg, so very much. I can’t believe how much. It’s actually quite disgustingly corny.

Do you trust him?
With all my heart. He’s a very trustworthy person. One of the most trustworthy people I know!

Does he let you wear his pants?
Yeah, he lets me wear anything of his, but I usually swim in them cuz I’m so itty bitty.

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep with?
Sometimes, but not usually. I usually sleep in my own cuz I don’t like swimming in loose clothing while I’m sleeping. Heh.

Do you like the way he smells:
He smells lurvely. It’s a combination of a few things, I think… soap, his special cologne, his own musky smell. It’s nice.
What bothers you the most about him:
He’s one of the worst procrastinators I know. Seriously. >.< Grr. And I’m SO the opposite of that, too!

Are you happy to be with him..
I’m very happy to be with him, even though he procrastinates.
Does he embarrass you in public?
No, unless he feels like being silly in public, which doesn’t happen often cuz he’s generally shy. Hehe.

3)SOME OTHER STUFF

Does he have any piercings?:
He used to have an ear lobe pierced, but it’s since filled in.

Does he have any scars that you know of?:
Yeah, a couple.

Is he a party dude or stay at home kind of guy?:
Definitely a stay-at-home kind of guy. Oh most definitely.

Is he Outgoing or Shy?
He’s quite shy generally.

Does he love his mama?
He loves his mom very much.
Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends?
He hangs out with me all the time, and generally likes my friends, but don’t like the whole “hanging out” ordeal. He rather stays at home where it’s comfy. Hehe.

Does he sing?
Only sillily, and it’s quite cute. I think I’m about the only person who’s ever heard him sing though!

Does he snore?
Only when he’s sick and his nose is clogged.

Do you like his friends?
His family members are his closest friends, and I love them all.

How very exciting!! Our wedding bands are in. Go check out our wedding site to see the details. They’re sweet!! I’m so excited, and I love them so much. I want to start wearing mine but Dave won’t let me. Said it’s “bad luck.” Blah blah blah. It looks good with my engagement ring too. It doesn’t match, but there’s the organic feel to both of them being together. How strange how that worked out.

I have all these errands to run, but haven’t had any time to run them. I guess I can walk them. Or something. Okay, that was a bad joke. Sorry. I’m kind of tired tonight.

I need to go pick up my pants from the alterations place on Meridian St. She’s a cute little Vietnamese lady who’s been fixing all my pants because I can’t find decent pants that fit me well on the first try. They’re either too long, or too big around the waist. I took my “court” pants in so I didn’t have to use bobby pins to hold my pants up anymore (sshh no one knew that!!). And then I’m going to have her hem some of my skirts a little shorter, around the knees. Makes me feel short when my skirts go down to my calves. Heh. I’m short enough as it is!

Okay I’m dozing off. Niters.

So it’s pretty much 5pm over here, and I have another home visit to go to in 15 minutes. I’m stalling time by hanging out in a coffee shop with my nifty nifty laptop. Yes, I know you are all jealous (well, probably only those of you who don’t have a laptop would be jealous, I suppose).

Dave had the day off today. I am forever envious of him, but my day is coming too!! I have next Monday off, which allows for basically a 4-day weekend. WOOHOO!! This week, I’m pretty behind in paperwork since all of our monthly stats are due. Jen might just have to crack the whip down on me this month! My record has been good with her lately, but hey, there’s a first for everything, I suppose. Hehe.

I got my Busara fix today. That’s my favorite Thai restaurant in Bellingham. I even managed to drag Jen along to that. It was a lovely lovely lunch, I have to say. Busara never disappoints. Next stop, Mallard’s ice cream!

What’s waiting for me at home besides a loving little kitty and an equally loving fiance? More paperwork to do so I can turn all my crap in to Jen tomorrow. Yes, fun evening ahead of me! However, the light at the end of the tunnel after all this is done is getting to watch The Office season finale tonight with Dave. That show is so hilarious. Har har har!

So you think you know me pretty darn well, eh? Well, take the quiz and find out just how well!

testriffic.com/friendtest/3489796

Yes, yes, I know it’s a dorky little quiz, but humor me anyway. Hehe.

Another classic, unrare moment of Tink having a cuddle on a Sunday morning with the fiance:

Dear M.,

We were friends for a long time, and I feel it’s finally time to say goodbye. I pretend sometimes that I don’t remember you, or that I’m not mad over what happened. I pretend sometimes that I don’t see you, and that I don’t want you to see me. I pretend sometimes that I wasn’t hurt, that I’m in denial, and that I don’t need to recognize our friendship from way long past. Keeping all these emotions on my shoulders is too hard, especially since I’m starting to practice dying. I don’t want to leave these anvils of thoughts and feelings loaded while I’m walking. It keeps me from flying and floating.

We are okay. Even though we don’t talk anymore, I sense that you are okay. I sense that you are happy where you are, and some days you may not be, but I sense that generally, you are okay. You were a great friend while we were friends, and I am no longer angry with you. I am no longer angry with myself for letting you go. I’m feeling okay. Thank you for coming into my life, for giving me you for a short time. It was a blessing, and I am humbled by our friendship together.

I say goodbye, knowing that I had said hello. It is not a mean goodbye, nor is it an unwilling one, or one that is in denial. I say goodbye knowing that it is better to have met you and lost you, than to not have met you at all. Thank you.

Love,

Helen