Archive for May, 2007
May 18, 2007 at 3:23 pm · Filed under friday fess ups
Friday Fess Ups: This Friday’s fess-ups for me. Oooh. Aaahh.
1. Most people don’t know this about me, but I can’t stand to eat anything berry/cherry-related. This includes strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, cherries, etc. This also includes cherry/berry-flavored candies like Starburst and such. I start gagging when I smell that stuff close by. I can’t explain why I don’t like it, but it stems from a very Freudian-styled past in my childhood. 
It has to do with my rebellion against my mother and the strict conditions I used to live under while I was a child. It’s purely psychological. I’m not allergic or anything. I usually politely refuse the first time someone offers something like this to me, and generally don’t explain myself unless pushed because it’s not something I like to admit or get into very often. It’s also very hard to explain without going into a long-winded speech about how I was raised. Heh.
2. I eat the same things everyday until I get so sick of them I won’t touch that type of food for several months afterwards. And then the cycle continues. Right now, my cycle is on bagel w/cream cheese for breakfast, Busara thai tom yum noodle soup for lunch, and rice with mangos, fake beef strips, and fried egg for dinner. Dave gets frustrated with me sometimes because I get into these long cravings where I won’t settle for anything else. It’s very weird!
3. I watch Desperate Housewives religiously, even though technically, I am against almost every theme in that show. It’s like watching a train wreck. I’m not proud of it, but I can’t look away!
May 17, 2007 at 10:29 pm · Filed under daily
All these season finales to my favorite shows make me feel a little sad, and a little relieved at the same time. It means that I won’t have my weekly shows to keep my nights company (and Dave’s too), but it also means that I won’t have my weekly shows to tie me down. It’s a good thing, really. Maybe I can actually take up reading again. Huh! Go figure that, eh.
I managed to hold onto tomorrow’s free day. I may run into town to check my mail (haven’t even had time to do that all this week) and go to the bank, but other than that, the rest of the day is free as light for me. It sounds lovely. Means I can sleep in late, wake up whenever I want, and get up even slower than I sometimes do. Every day of the week I wake up relatively early. Even on Saturdays and Sundays, as those are my routine yoga morning classes.
Dave told me our wedding bands came in. They’re ready to be picked up from our local jeweler. We had them custom made and Dave chose out the design. We both picked out the engravements, so I suppose we need to bring in my engagement ring to get it engraved as well. Will be very awesome. I can’t wait to see them!
May 17, 2007 at 7:16 am · Filed under daily
The clouds look kinda blue today. Like, seriously, the color blue. It looks to be a little cloudy today. Too bad too, since it’s been so darn nice the last few days. I’ve missed the sun. I hope it comes back for longer. Summer has been a long time coming.
Thursdays are like my Fridays. I generally try not to plan appointments on Fridays so I can stay home and do paperwork for work. ‘Course, this usually doesn’t happen, but so far, I have nothing tomorrow and it’s already Thursday! Woo! It’s a retraining of the brain to look at a work week as “four days” instead of “five days.” Even so, I get most of my crisis calls on Fridays anyway. So, instead of doing paperwork in my pajamas in bed at home, most Fridays are spent either on the phone with clients or providers, or racing out to home visits.
Oh well. What can ya do.
I had another weird nightmare last night. I don’t quite remember what it was this time, but it wasn’t as bad as the previous night’s. Last night’s involved taking care of about a dozen screaming, hollering 1.5 year olds who haven’t been taught to listen to directions yet. We were all stuck in a van and I have no idea who “we” are or why we were stuck in a van. Weird.
I remember another dream from the previous night, to go along with Clark Kent’s possessed girlfriend. Dave and I were stuck in this big concrete bowl-type thing, and we were trying to find our way out. It was too high for me to climb out, and there were no wedges, so it all depended on how high we can jump. I, of course, being so darn short and itty bitty, couldn’t jump as high as Dave. I tried and tried and couldn’t. Dave found a lower spot in the “bowl” where we can get out. He jumped out first, joked around to me about being a “little person,” and pulled me out after him. I remember feeling saved, grateful, and looked after. It was a very intense safe feeling in that dream. It was nice.
On with my day. Nothing else to see here.
May 16, 2007 at 7:33 am · Filed under daily
Ahh is it already Wednesday? It feels like Monday. Wednesdays are sort of like my Mondays. I have what feels like a bazillion appointments with clients and meetings and such today, and I don’t get home till the cows come home. It’s a race between me and them on Wednesdays, y’know.
I had a weird nightmare last night. It was actually scary. I can’t remember the last time I had a scary nightmare. I was sweating and everything. It was starring that kid who plays Clark Kent in “Smallville” and he was being chased by a ghost in his past.. an old girlfriend. The old girlfriend came back and haunted his current girlfriend (who surprisingly wasn’t Lois Lane or Lana Lang), and the current girlfriend became possessed and devastated and traumatized, and started ripping her skin out, and harming herself with knives and sharp objects. It was so bloody scary. Gives me the creeps just describing it.
Well, I better have a kick ass day after this one, I tell ya.
May 14, 2007 at 9:53 pm · Filed under daily
Welcome welcome, dear friends and family. Here I am, at it again, attempting (another) blog. What can I say? I guess I can’t stay away. Can’t be all serious and no fun all the time, right? Gotta have those days where I just want to chronicle my day-to-day, mundane activities, get things off my chest, and then move on to the next day.
This site is for those who may or may not know me “in real life.” If you do, welcome. If you don’t, I’m pleased to meet you. It’s a chance to have my friends and family keep up with me, especially those who I don’t talk to on a regular basis.
There ya go.
May 9, 2007 at 10:41 pm · Filed under one year
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I would do and how I would feel if I only had one year to live. I’ve been thinking about my priorities, and what I want to do versus what I need to do. It really changes the way you go abouts your day to day, when you think you only have one year to live. When you’re living as if you have one year to live. It changes how you view people, how you view the world, how you want to see the world. It changes what you think of your past, too. How amazing that is.
This morning, I am taking some time for myself, doing whatever I want to do without feeling guilty. I walked around in my pajamas for 2 hours, fooling around with my laptop, visiting websites of friends, updating facebook. I took an extra long shower, took an extra long time getting dressed, look an extra long time brushing my hair, smiled geekily at myself in the mirror after I brushed my teeth, and I took an extra long time getting dressed.
My hair is still wet, the music is blasted on from Gwen Stefani’s latest album “Sweet Escape.” How appropriate for my frame of mind. I’m creating my own sweet escape this morning. No rushing around, no thinking I’m late, no running errands, no calling clients back, no panicking about court dates and overdue paperwork. I’m just okay, here, alone, by myself, enjoying the company that has always been here: my own.
If I only had one year to live, I would make some time to simply live, gracefully, peacefully, calmly, and quietly.
May 6, 2007 at 10:42 pm · Filed under one year
Trying to live as if I am dying in one year is really difficult. It sounds morbid, but it definitely makes me think. During the last few days, I’ve taken more time to wake up slowly… to slow down in the morning while getting ready, to cuddle with Tink a little longer than normal, to take a little longer in the shower.
It’s definitely made me slow down. At first, I thought I was going to feel hurried, since I would only have a year left. I’m surprised to see that it’s done the opposite of exactly that.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about relationships. All the people I’ve met in the past… feeling sad that I would not be able to talk to them again, and learning to accept that as a “final goodbye,” so to speak. I’ve been thinking, even, about possibly getting back in touch with some of them, and “settling” things that haven’t been settled before.
Scary thought… really scary thought…
May 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm · Filed under one year
A couple of days ago, Marita, my yoga teacher (and a lovely, lovely kindred spirit to mine) spoke about a task that her mother, Doris (another lovely, lovely kindred spirit), is taking on. It is called “If you had one year to live…”
The idea is to live each day to the very fullest, to do what you want to do if you knew you only had one year to live, to come to terms with your death because that’s when you can truly live, to erase the notion of “I’ll get around to it” and to live as if you have nothing to lose except your life. We are all so vulnerable to death, and yet we pretend it doesn’t exist. I hear those who know they only have a short time to live tend to live the fullest, without regrets, without conditions, without hesitations.
If I had one year to live, what would I do? Would my priorities change? What would I no longer push on the sidelines? What would I do now that I have been holding off? Who would I want to seek contact with again? What would I change about myself, and what would remain the same? If I had one year to live, will I be okay with how I represent myself? Would I be happy with the way my life is? Would I live it as if I know this is it. This is the end. There is nothing to lose. There is everything to gain. What would I want my legacy to be?
If I had one year to live… what would I do? Well, I created a category in “rhythm” appropriate for this theme. This category (“One Year”) will be attached to entries where I write about how I am changing my life, and what I am doing without regret. It is a matter of doing, not just wanting.
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