I don’t owe anyone anything. I deserve my own version of happiness. I don’t do harm to others, and I cannot do harm to myself. I refuse to. However, I don’t deserve to be given “conditions” for love, for happiness, for a fulfilled life. I don’t deserve to be given ultimatums at the request of parental love. I don’t deserve that. I don’t owe anyone anything. I owe myself happiness.

I think I’m a pretty good person. You can disagree if you want. Life is hard enough when you’re trying to find yourself, but when you’re trying to please and appease everyone else too, it’s even harder.

Today is a new day. I’m mourning the loss of something old, something scary, something hurtful. That hole is big, but today is a new day. I have been given an ultimatum, and that ultimatum showed me the true light of this type of love.

I’m choosing to disown them first before they disown me. No longer will they have the control to make me cry, to make me fear, to make me feel less than who I am, to make me feel undeserving of happiness and love, to make me feel guilt and shame for being who I am. I never asked to be born. But once I was, I only wanted to feel safe. It’s time to find my own safety.

I want to feel safe. I’ve been searching for their arms, and now I finally realize that their arms are conditional. They don’t love me unless I do what they tell me to do. That is slavery, ownership, not love.

I will find safety in true love.