Archive for August, 2007
August 24, 2007 at 9:45 am · Filed under heart
Have you ever tried to describe the feeling of love? The knotted ties in your stomach, that wrap themselves around your rib bones and color your stomach fluids. They’re pink. And maybe red. But they all flourish and tie around each other like two lovers with limbs hung tight around, always hesitating to let go. Yes, that’s love. Love is nice.
I guess I shall attempt yet again another post about how incredibly in love I am. It sounds contrite, and it even feels rather silly, to say the least. Everyone knows what it is, yet no one knows how to describe it. Over one month of marriage already, and I look at my husband and think, “I can’t believe I’m married to him. I can’t believe we’ve been together for 8 and a half years.” I asked him the other day, “When does this newlywed feeling die down?” I don’t really know if it does, considering I was so in love with him before we got married, and even then it was already 8 years in the making of the Life of Helen and Dave. Now we’re into the new stage in our lives, and I don’t see any chance on God’s green earth where this feeling will dull in my heart.
It’s cupped, held gently by the winds of time. It’s stroked and nurtured with each passing funny face he gives me, each joke he tells me. It grows because it’s trusted, and the long years have become normalcy. And yet the normalcy doesn’t get old. I come home, and I see him, and my heart flutters like butterfly wings on a windy summer day. I must have memorized the lines on his face, each scar on his body, the way his hips curve just so, or the way his arms feel when they are around me. I can close my eyes and judge exactly, to the point, where my head fits so perfectly in the soft curves of his neck. I can smell him even now, when he has been long gone from home, at work, after the wee hours of the morning of getting ready. I can spot him blindfolded because my aura recognizes his. All so familiar, yet all still with such a new feeling to it.
I can see us grow old together. At first, it was a little girl’s fantasy. When I first met him, I was afraid to imagine such happiness. Angry, depressed, scared, alone — the fantasy grew until we became “official,” past the mere point of friendship, even past the declaration of “best friend.” And then somehow, the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are dull in comparison to who we are to each other. Didn’t sound right even then. After 8 years, the words “fiance” and “fiancee” felt more of a match for us, but even then, the lighting is dull in the spark of our love. Now, the words “husband” and “wife” wrap around our lives, encompassing everything we are. And still, while it surpasses the meanings of “boyfriend” or “fiance,” the word “husband” still doesn’t describe exactly who he is to me. The colloquial “love birds” and all the other cliche terms and phrases used to describe young love seem pale.
And all I can do is use a smile to describe his footprint on my heart. Just a simple smile.
“Are you happy, Pixie?” he asks me almost nightly.
I look at him, unable to describe just how silly the mere word “Yes” is, and still unable even more so to come up with a better word.
“Yes,” I answer.
He smiles as if he already knew the answer before I uttered it, and I asked him in return if he is happy with me. I already know the answer too.
“Yes.”
When words can’t describe the true emotions of the heart, we are left with simple responses to simple questions. And perhaps that is all that needs to be understood: love is simple.
August 23, 2007 at 9:46 pm · Filed under interests, sponsored
Tink’s cuddling in my lap right now. She’s a furball of purring mess, as I’d like to refer to her as. The girl doesn’t quit. Little does she know we’re leaving her for three days this weekend to go on a mini-vacation to Gabriola Island. Poor girl. Hopefully she won’t leave us any lovely unwanted “surprises” that would require some scrubbing and lime spray, if you know what I mean. I hear that with cats, if you want to detract them from doing something, you either spray lime juice or put lemon slices on something (like the couch), or put mint leaves on it. I think I’m going to newspaper the couch and put mint leaves all over it so she doesn’t leave a mess. Hopefully that will work. Unfortunately we can’t newspaper everything, but the important things are the couch, and close up all the bedrooms and bathroom.
I had to get my asthma medication refilled. This stuff is getting expensive. I’m glad I don’t have to use any other medication as they can get quite bulky and annoying. If I did have medication to use, I’d probably end up using an air nebulizer, otherwise known as a portable oxygen concentrator. because it’s quicker and seems better to use with medication. When I went to the doctor’s up here to establish a family doctor for Husband and me, she ended up giving me free medication for my asthma. Yeah, you heard right. Free. Free. I was so amazed I just stared at her. Haha. In the states, I never get free medication. Even the “samples” I have to pay for. Every single time I go see a doc up here, granted I have to pay for the visit since I’m not Canadian and don’t have Canadian insurance, I still get my medications for free, like when I had pneumonia a few years ago. I was so afraid of going to a clinic in the states cuz I knew I wouldn’t be able to pay for it (this was before I had benefits at a job or at school), so I went to one in Canada. It was about $30 I think, for the visit, and the doc gave me free antibiotics for a week. That cleared me up and I was okay. Healthcare in Canada kicks ass, man.
August 23, 2007 at 8:49 pm · Filed under interests, sponsored
Every so often, it occurs to me that I need more IBM memory. Yeah, computers get obsolete so fast, and you have to upgrade at least once or year to catch up with the rest of the technology burst. And every couple of years, you have to actually buy a new computer. I’m not sure what everyone else does with their old computers, but we end up keeping them around for a while until we can find a place to recycle them. Luckily, there is a place locally here, just a few blocks from us, that take old electronic parts (such as computer parts, monitors, keyboards, cell phones, etc.) and recycles them so that they stay out of the landfill. I used to never know what to do with them, and I always felt so guilty thinking about chucking them in the trash can for the landfill. At least now the government over here (in Canada) is accommodating to this need. What do you guys do with your old computer parts, anyway? If you can’t sell them, or they no longer work, where do you put them?
August 23, 2007 at 8:45 pm · Filed under daily
There are not many things that beat a good dinner. Dave and I just went out with Gran on one of our weekly dinner runs at the beach. We went to our favorite restaurant, of course — the Japanese restaurant. We ordered the same things, as we usually do (we are all creatures of habit), and the waitresses there all know us. They even bring out the exact utensils we ask for (one soup spoon and a fork for Gran, two chopsticks for us), and straight down to the drinks too. And then we have a little walk along the beach. These days, Gran doesn’t walk too well, but we love the scenery nevertheless, as they are always of the sunset whenever we go. During the summer, it’s usually crowded too, and there are people walking around, out and about. We do a bit of people watching whenever we can. It’s fun to just sit there and eat and talk and look around.
Today, we had a special treat — there was a movie or an episode of a show being filmed down by the beach. I parked my car right next to where their tents were laid out. I didn’t get to see any actors or actresses I recognized, because there were so many extras standing around. I’m excited to see if we’ll recognize the beach or auto shop center they were filming in a show later on. I’m thinking maybe it’s for an episode of Smallville, but one can never really tell. They don’t announce it to the public while they’re filming. It happens so often here that the locals are pretty used to it. It’s just another day in the neighborhood when we see film casts going around.
August 23, 2007 at 3:47 pm · Filed under sponsored
When I was about 19 years old, I got to be part of something really special in school — I got to be part of a research team at UCI (my undergraduate university) that was finding out more about Alzheimer’s and how it affects the brain in the elderly. I saw several patients and hooked brain electrical wiring to their heads to scan for brain waves and whatnot, and it was really interesting when I learned how to read the results. I learned the devastating situations that these families had to live in because their loved ones were slowly losing the important memories, slowly forgetting who everyone were, slowly forgetting who they were… Alzheimer’s doesn’t run in my family, but my surrogate grandfather is suffering a bit from that now, due to some outlying medical conditions. For anyone who wants more information about Alzheimer’s, please refer to Alzheimer’s Association, as they will have support, information, and referrals for anyone who need help with dealing with this disease.
For those who want to participate with fund raising to combat Alzheimer’s, please sign up for their Alzheimer’s Memory Walk. If you are also inclined to be a Team Captain, it would be great too, as you are volunteering to take leadership in something special and something great. I may get together some people and see if we can form a group for this. I love these types of walks and used to do them all the time, as they are for good causes.
August 23, 2007 at 3:09 pm · Filed under daily
So I’m at the office, hanging out with Jen, catching up on my paperwork for work. It’s going good so far. I only messed up an itty bit on my time-sheet. It’s cuz the computer at work kept eating my darn files and erasing things I just typed and saved, so I had to start over several times. Grrr. A big time-waster, as you can imagine!! However, it’s done now, and in a couple days the monthly status reports are due. Those are less painful than the time sheets, but they’re still a bit of an annoyance.
We’re going to Gabriola Island this weekend, which is off of Vancouver Island for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s a little rinky dink island where the population is really really small. It’s cute, though, as all of Dave’s side of the family somehow make their way there depending on the weekend. Gran and Sylv usually stay the whole week, and usually so do Dan and Kami with Jaeden. So this weekend will be family weekend, and I loooove spending family time. We’re going to play board games (I loooove board games), and spending time on the beach. I’m also planning to do sun salutation yoga routines every morning while we’re there, greeting the sun. It will be nice. I can’t wait. 
August 23, 2007 at 2:12 pm · Filed under sponsored
I’m skinny. Yes, I’m very skinny. Healthily so, but still very skinny. This means that I don’t have a lot of body fat, which concludes that I need a lot to stay warm. Room heaters are a plus. I have to have our place really warm, and this can hurt our pocket books quite a bit, especially during the winter, when the heating bill is jacked up so high The Husband looks at me oddly and asks if I’m actually cold-blooded somehow. I’ve on occasion whined to him about getting a fireplaces for our bedroom, so that we didn’t have to jack up the heater system throughout the rest of the house. Especially at night, I get really cold for some reason. Desa Tech offers such lovely devices for me to browse through, and I must say, I am very, very interested. I may even get one and one day “surprise” The Husband. Ha! But I think in the end, when we get our new home, we will probably purchase something like this because it will help our heating bill and my cold front quite a bit.
August 23, 2007 at 8:40 am · Filed under thoughts
I was signing a petition that Pelf showed me to, regarding saving the seahorses. So then I started taking some polls on the site that related to the environment, such as cloth grocery bags, and energy-saving light bulbs, etc. I came across this one, and I thought it was pretty darn hilarious. Of course, I voted yes, but I was expecting a more 50-50 response from everyone else put together. Over 1300 people voted, both men and women I presume, and close to 80% think that the world would be a better place if there were more women in power. So then I started thinking…
Why is that? Why would we assume such a thing? Is it because it is the generalization that women have the innate gift of caring for the world and their communities? Perhaps. Is it because we are more apt and capable, perhaps, to see the gray in all situations, and not just the black and white? Or is it because presumably speaking, we are more capable of looking for nonviolent solutions to problems between two classes, two sides, two countries, two perspectives? I would like to believe so.
Dave and I often have this debate also. The female deity is very powerful. It is a gift. Woman hold much to bestow upon our world. It is equally matched by the male deity, of course, but without the female, there would be no male. The world would be imbalanced. Is it then to safely assume that our power sources of the world are incredibly imbalanced due to the overwhelming number/percentage of men in power versus women in power? It is like trying to walk while one leg is longer than the other. We just end up going in circles, one generation after another, war after war.
August 23, 2007 at 7:22 am · Filed under interests, sponsored
Sometimes I think I would just like to have a lovely little home, with a love little picket fence and a lovely little mailbox (maybe one from this site that sells mailboxes). We’d live happily ever after, with a couple of kids, and enough money to feel secure, but not too much to feel greedy. We would love to stay around this area, next to the beach, where the air is clean and the people are slow-moving and relaxed. It’s got a lovely atmosphere. We’re not cut out for the city life, I don’t think. It’s a good place to visit, but definitely not a good place to live (at least not for us).
Yesterday was our “one month” wedding monthaversary. I normally don’t celebrate monthaversaries (kinda desperate, don’tcha think?), but I did recognize it yesterday. We didn’t really celebrate it, actually, outside of a cute little kiss when I reminded him that today was the 22nd. Heh. And the the conversation ensues…
Me: So how was your first month of marriage, Husband?
Him: It was very good, Wife. What about yours?
Me: Well, there were some annoyances with the dishes not being washed on time, but other than that, it went well, I think!
Him: 
… >.<
It’s funny because he hasn’t yet gotten used to wearing a ring. He takes it off to take a shower, and sometimes he takes it off when he goes to bed. There has been once so far that he’s forgotten to wear it throughout the day, only to realize it when he was with me at the doctor’s office, and go “I forgot the ring!” He’s really cute about it too. He pretends it’s a “magic ring,” like in Lord of the Rings, where if he puts it on, he becomes invisible to everyone. He’s even practiced it too. The second he puts it on, he asks me, “Can you still see me?!” And I pretend I don’t: “Lover? Lover? Where are you?! Where’d you go?! I hear you but I can’t see you!!” And then he looks at me with a little frown and asks, “Are you mocking me?!” Just a little bit, Husband. 
But only because you deserve it cuz you’re so darn dorky.
August 22, 2007 at 8:04 pm · Filed under daily, heart
I went to my last session for a client today. It felt good, and a little sad. This particular family — I feel like I haven’t been of much service or help to them in the short time I’ve been working with them. It’s been a good 5.5 months, and it just doesn’t feel like we really “clicked” or things really got addressed. I hate that feeling, but I don’t think it’s entirely my fault. However, I do tend to think that I could’ve done more, could’ve tried harder, could’ve should’ve, etc. Oh well. I’ll get over it.
I found out from a colleague today during lunch about a kiddo I used to work with. If any of you are old-timers who have been visiting me and reading my entries for at least 4 to 5 years, you’d remember a time when I used to talk about a group home, with Mr. Technicality and Rock Boy. Whiner Boy. Remember them? I found out today that Mr. Technicality is a foster kid, never got out of the system, and is in trouble with the law. He’s 16 years old, scared, and alone. He has a really good lawyer, though, who I was having lunch with today. I felt really sorry for the situation he’s in and I am really saddened with what happened to Rock Boy. He must be about 13 now and he’s institutionalized. 13 and no place to go. *sigh* My heart just breaks. I feel like it’s been ripped to shreds and pieces. Those two brothers were what made me decide to go into counseling and therapy. They contributed to me being who I am today — a lot. I wish I could’ve done more for them, could do more for them now. I think of them from time to time.
You always remember your first clients. They nestle in your heart, and they never leave. They become like your mind’s family, and your heart’s home. You always remember your first clients. In this business, they are the ones who make you or break you. Rock Boy and Mr. Technicality made me.
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