The other night, I had the most awesome dream. I dreamt that we were re-living our wedding day, except it was different (as all dreams make reality events different). Dave and I were getting married all over again, as if it was our first time (haha). This time, my grandfather was there. My paternal grandfather passed away when I was in graduate school, back in 2004. I was about 5 hours too late saying goodbye to him personally. We were on the flight to California when he passed away in the hospital. He tried to hold on as long as he could, to say goodbye to his youngest son (my father) and his kids (us). Unfortunately, the cancer ate him up quicker than any of us realized. The doctors had given him two months to live. He barely made it 3 weeks. I’ve been grieving on and off since then. Every so often I still find myself thinking, “I’m going to call Grampa to tell him the good news!!” And as I look for my phone, I realize that Grampa was gone. I never really got to say goodbye, or thank you, or tell him that I hoped he was proud of me, or that I was proud of him. Sometimes, I feel like my goodbye was prematurely taken away from me. All my other cousins were able to say goodbye because they lived in California, close to him.

So in my dream the other night, Grampa attended our wedding. There was a specific moment in that dream where it was just me and Grampa, standing in the middle of this beautiful, dream-like field of gold and green, with the wind softly blowing, me in my wedding dress, him in a handsome suit. He was smiling at me, and he looked as healthy as I last remembered seeing him. I faced him, and I said to him, “Grampa, I love you so much. Thank you for all those wonderful food you made me while I was in university. Thanks for caring for me and babysitting for us when we were younger. Thank you for being kind, and thank you for being my grandfather. You’re an awesome grampa and I’m proud to have you in my life. I love you very very much, Grampa.” He smiled at me and in his shy way, said, “Oh you’re just being silly! Let’s go eat!”

We walked away together, to meet with the rest of the wedding guests, and I remember the rest of the dream looking like photographic snapshots. Us posing for the camera. Dave and me walking hand in hand. Grampa in front of us. My father in his suit walking away. Snapshot after snapshot of a happy family, getting together for a happy event.

I woke up with this incredibly satisfying feeling in my heart, and I thought, “I finally said goodbye, Grampa. Goodbye.”