Okay, are you ready to hear this? It’s kind of weird and geeky and screams “pregnant.” I’ve actually hired window and stairs cleaners to come over tomorrow to clean the windows inside, and our stairs leading into our home. Those are the only two things that I absolutely cannot clean. The stairs are so icky and covered with Tink’s hair and dust and dirt and stuff, that I get asthmatic every time I sweep it or try to vacuum it. During pregnancy, I’ve stayed away from it, so now it looks even worse. We haven’t cleaned our windows in several years, and since we live upstairs, it’s harder to clean. This weekend, Dave and I cleaned the insides so that they can see what they need to do on the outside. I can’t wait for it all to happen.

Does this make me weird that I’m actually excited about getting our windows and stairs clean? Dude. This is kind of sad. Haha. I’m really, really nesting. The other week before that, I had the poor husband take down the curtains so I can wash them. The house is almost always spotless. I can’t even stand a candy wrapper out of place. The floors are always vacuumed. This is ridiculous. It gets tiring too, but I like that the house is so neat now. I’m even keeping the lovely bathrooms clean on a weekly basis. Since both bathrooms are completely newly renovated, it’s nice to keep them both clean all the time. Gran also recently had hers done up too, and had a bigger tub to fit some new shower chairs so she can get in and out easier.

Now… if only I can just sleep at night, I’d be all set. The bigger the tummy gets, the harder it is to sleep and the harder it is to roll out of bed in the morning without feeling like I’m gonna fall off balance somehow. Heh.

Last night, Dave and I participated in Earth Hour, and we actually spent an hour and a half with each other with the lights out. Dave went around the house and lit some candles, and we sat at the table talking and laughing. He was admiring my belly and he said something really sweet. He said that he got all these horror stories from the guys at work about what a nightmare it will be to live with a pregnant woman, given her raging, changing hormones and stuff like that. He admitted to me that he was kind of nervous about how I would become when we got pregnant. But then, he said, to his pleasant surprise, I’ve been very emotionally stable and predictable throughout it all, even when I was feeling my worst during the first trimester. He said he appreciates me not taking it out on him and he hasn’t noticed any odd, extreme changes in my emotions and/or behaviors. I see that as a compliment. Heh. He said he’s very proud that I’m such a stable person and that nothing really phases me, and I take everything with positivity and upbeat energy, especially this pregnancy. He told me he is happy to see me so happy being pregnant, as a lot of women bitch and whine about their pregnancy.

I don’t know, I can’t predict how I would be with other pregnancies, but Bean has been treating me relatively well, given a few annoyances here and there. If we decide to have another child after this, I could turn into a raging, horrible bitch who becomes obsessed with penny stocks or something, but who knows. Maybe I’ll get lucky again. Haha. All I know is, Bean is a blessing and a gift from the heavens, and everything I go through I go through for her, willingly and able. Go ahead, universe, give me whatcha got. I can take it. As long as our baby is happy and healthy, I can take it all.

I am so anxious to get back to my regular hardcore yoga routine — twice a week every week. It really did my body and mind good. I get the mind stuff in my prenatal, and the breathing exercises, but I’m missing all the really wonderful, strenuous poses I used to do. I can’t wait to get back into it. And then to introduce Bean, too. Mommy & Me yoga, here we come! Somehow, I’ve always needed a yoga instructor, versus doing them on my own with a yoga dvd. I don’t have that much discipline, apparently. Maybe one day, I will even become a teacher. I love yoga. I love yoga a LOT. Heh. I’m a yoga nerd.

I’ve been having a really hard time sleeping. I chalk it up to being pregnant. It isn’t really “uncomfortable” or anything like that. I’m just incredibly restless. I get tired at odd times of the day, though all in all, I’ve been really ultra energetic. Bean’s kicks are getting stronger — she’s even starting to respond to Dave’s touch. He’d tap his fingers on my belly and within seconds she’d kick him. It’s pretty neat.

Next week, I start my second quarter of prenatal yoga classes. It’ll be awesome, as I’m a lot bigger now than I was before. I’ve been making room to pamper myself every so often. My yoga class is like a personal strength equipment class for the prenatal, and I needed space to just relax. Sooo, two weeks ago, I made an appointment for an hour long prenatal back, neck, leg, and foot massage. Oh my goooodness it was so darn yummy. I’m going to do it again in about two weeks. It was well worth the money. For two nights in a row after that, I slept like a baby and my stuffed nose cleared. Wow! Plus, they say that massages help with labor too.

I’ve been eating really well too. Mostly healthy foods, with a touch of sweets here and there. Pregnancy does weird things to the body that I’m not used to: 1) I don’t like food that is as spicy as I did before pregnancy, 2) I like lots of sour and more amounts of sweets than usual. It’s very odd. I’m also drinking loads and loads of water. I go through about 15 glasses of water everyday, it seems. Dang!

Dave and I went out to dinner last night with Gran. We went to our favorite Japanese restaurant by the beach here in White Rock, BC. They’re so good there and I ate two meals because apparently Bean wouldn’t have us eating just one meal, heck no. (That place should really start some sort of franchise or something.) It was so enjoyable, seeing the belly get so big and feel so bloated after every big meal. Heh. Yet I never seem to feel “full,” exactly. It’s such an interesting feeling.

We sure do love these dinners with Gran. We love her so much. After all, we’re naming our first child after her, so it’s only testament that we’re so close to her. The woman is like my own grandmother. I can’t do enough for her, and she doesn’t ask for much at all. She’s so lovable. She reminds me of Tweety Bird’s granny, if you can imagine that. Hehe. So cute.

This week has been a really long, hard week at work. At the risk of sounding too vague and impersonal, all I can really say is that I was part of a system that got a child molester arrested. It may sound like a triumph, but I’ve been working with this particular family for over a year, and this working relationship has meant something to me, as well as to them. All I know is, nothing is ever in black and white, it’s never as easy as it looks, and “protecting children” doesn’t come easy, nor does it come without a price to pay for the family in question. While I know everything that happened was good, and that it must be done, I can’t help but feel an incredible loss nonetheless. This work.. if it doesn’t kill me, it will make me stronger. It has made me stronger. I come home exhausted everyday, but I look at Dave and he calls me a superhero, and his face just expresses how proud he is of me.

All the hard decisions, the hard choices I have to make at work. All the court hearings and the legal proceedings and the advocacy for kids and families — this must all mean something at the end of the day. And it does. I am exhausted to the bone, but the more I do this work, the more I feel like I’m preparing myself to be a really good mother.

I was supposed to take today off, to catch up on paperwork and filing and stuff. But I’m choosing to go visit one of my kiddos in jail because he has been asking for me, his counselor. He doesn’t talk to anyone else but me, and as much as I don’t want a dependent client, I also know that he is at his most vulnerable and I need to be there so that he can let it out.

I used to cry a lot when I come home from work. I don’t anymore. Perhaps I have lost that emotional touch that makes it so hard for so many people to do what I do for a living. But I don’t feel like it. It still weighs on me, but I know that if I take it personally, I won’t be of any help to anyone. Now, instead of crying, I consult with my peers, my supervisors, and other therapists. Now, instead of crying, I come home to a smiling husband who opens his arms so wide to hold me while I shake it off and go on with the rest of my life. And at the end of the day, as my head hits the pillow every night, I know I’ve done something good. I know I’ve made a difference. I have to believe that.

Dave and I talk a lot about traveling to far and lovely places with Baby Bean after she’s born and a little older. It’s exciting to talk about the potential trips we’d be making, from close places like Harrison Hot Springs to Vietnam. We definitely want to go to Vietnam. For one thing, Dave hasn’t been there yet, and I really want him to see the place where I was born. It’s also important to the both of us that Bean sees where she comes from. I remember my first trip back to Vietnam, when I was 15. It was such a surreal experience, to be able to touch and see the people and the land where I was born. It makes it more real. I want Bean to experience that. It’s a beautiful country and I want to have her see it and experience it for herself too. Especially since we have so many relatives there who will just eat her up and protect her and love her. Though, of course, with our growing family, I’m sure we’ll need lots more Rimowa luggage! No worries though.

Ahh, Baby Bean, the things you’ll see, the places you’ll be! It’s all so exciting!

I think I must have worked at least 50 hours this week. Or at least it felt like it. The “energy burst” that every pregnant mother has been telling me about has finally hit. The funny thing is — I feel like I’ve always felt before the pregnancy. I’ve always had a lot of energy. I could go for miles without getting tired and my brain never stops moving or thinking. I’m just a high-energy person anyway. So to me, it doesn’t necessarily feel like “energy burst” but rather just getting back to my normal self.

People have been noticing that I’ve been gaining weight too. It’s odd though, because when I look in the mirror I don’t see a really big change in my overall body size or proportion. I’m still pretty underweight, if you don’t look at the tummy area. I’ve gained a total of 14 pounds since I got pregnant back in the beginning of November. It will be interesting to see what will happen after the pregnancy, to see if I will end up losing the extra poundage or if I end up keeping it. Either way I will be happy, as long as I am healthy. I’m definitely looking forward to going back to my regular hardcore yoga routine. I miss hanging upside down and doing the crow and the wheel and the real down dog positions, that’s for sure. One thing’s for sure, I’m definitely in no hurry to “lose weight” or get anything from the Orovo store to assist with that. All natural, all the way.

I got lots of work to do. I ended up working a bit today - had two home visits to do and ended up cleaning the house a bit. Luckily it looks pretty darn good from the week, since Dave and I have been relatively clean, so we don’t have to do much of an upkeep this weekend. Definitely makes things easier on me. Hope you’re all having a good weekend!

Well, the house is clean again. It’s the weekend, and the week has long gone. My brother and sister are back in their own homes, and I am missing them something terrible. It was good to have them near us. Even with a messy house and a bank account quickly diminishing, we had a grand ol’ time hanging out with each other. They’re good company, and they’re funny as heck. I can’t remember the last time we were able to just hang out, just the three of us. I’m going to be looking forward to when they can come again. Most likely in the summer, before and after Bean is born.

I’ve been having an aweful time sleeping lately. I think I’m more prone to dust during the pregnancy or something, because I wake up in the middle of the night pretty often with a stuffed up nose and finding it hard to breathe. Or, maybe we just need a new mattress. It’s getting pretty lumpy and we have to lay several blankets on top of it to make it smoother and easier to sleep. Plus, there are about a bazillion pillows on our bed (Dave likes his fluffy pillows, and we got about 3 body pillows going on). Doesn’t give much room for movement, but it’s definitely cushy and cozy, to say the least. Right now, our robo vac is working a mile a minute cleaning our bedroom and en suite bathroom floors, so I’m predicting a better sleep tonight, hopefully. Less dust and stuff.

So this week my bro and sis are visiting. We’ve having an awesome time, especially since I took Thursday and Friday off. We’ve got the baby room painted (actually, the sibs are in there painting on the second and last coat now! It looks marvelous!!), and we’ve hung out a whole lot. Yesterday we went to Vancouver and hung out with Jen in Chinatown and even went to Dr. Sun Yat Fung botanical garden, and then dropped by Ikea and checked out all the lovely pretty furniture. It’s so awesome being able to have them here, without the parents telling us what to do. Things have certainly changed since we were kids and living under the same house. Definitely more relaxed, less tension, more calmness. They’re going to make a great aunt and uncle.

It’s amazing how much my priority has changed over just the last year. I mean, think about it, I went from perusing through bridal lingerie for our wedding day to perusing through Ikea for baby furniture and buying baby clothes and stuff like that. I feel like such a different person, yet I am loving who I am becoming. It brings me joy to be able to care for this little bundle inside my growing tummy. I can’t wait to meet this tiny person who has changed my world so completely and turned it upside down and inside out. A little miracle child. Everyone’s waiting for her arrival. It’s so awesome how much she is already loved and she’s not even born yet.

I am positive she can feel it too.